Unapologetically You: Ditching the Old Life in 2026!
Stop Proving You’re Enough and Start Being You
Summary
What if 2026 wasn’t about doing more, but finally being who you really are?
In this episode, Heather Masters shares how shame at identity level quietly drives us to collect qualifications, achievements, and approval in an endless attempt to “earn” our worth.
From Christmas romance novels to three coaching certifications and a November burnout wall, she reveals why 95% commitment to yourself isn’t commitment at all – it’s self-deception dressed as responsibility.
You’ll hear how to stop building a CV and start building a self, and what changes when you stop keeping your old life as an option.
What’s Inside
- The “girlie fiction” reading binge that revealed a deeper truth about women finally dropping the script and choosing who they really are.
- Why so many of us live with one hand on the past – an old identity, story, or safety net – even while saying we want change.
- The uncomfortable truth: “Ninety-five percent commitment is not commitment. It’s self-deception dressed as responsibility.”
- Heather’s story of collecting qualifications “like oxygen” – three coaching certifications and countless trainings – in an attempt to feel legitimate and enough.
- How identity-level shame (“I’m not enough”, “I am unforgivable”) fuels achievement addiction, perfectionism, over-functioning, and people-pleasing.
- The moment she hit “the wall of doom” with doing, and realised she was building a CV, not a self.
- The 2026 question: Who would you be if you stopped keeping the old life – and the old story – as an option?
- A gentle experiment to close the gap between 95% and 100% commitment to the life you actually want.
- Invitation into a free 5-day email course, “Dismantling ‘I Am Not Enough’”, for women ready to start dismantling this belief at the root.
Chapters:
- 00:09 - Diving into Girly Fiction
- 02:39 - Letting Go of the Old Life
- 06:16 - The Journey to Wholeness
- 08:54 - Breaking Free from Shame and Identity
- 11:07 - Embracing Authenticity
- 14:55 - Dismantling the Belief of Not Being Enough
Three Core Truths
- You can’t achieve your way into wholeness.
- Qualifications, titles, and gold stars can’t fix an identity wound – they only distract you from it for a few weeks at a time.
- Ninety-five percent commitment is not commitment.
- Keeping your old life and identity as an option – “just in case” – quietly blocks the future you say you want.
- You’re building a CV or a self – and only one of those can actually feel like home.
- When you stop proving and start being, your energy, boundaries, and choices shift at the deepest level.
The Uncomfortable Truth
Most high-achieving women aren’t just driven – they’re compensating. They’re trying to earn their right to exist, collecting proof that they’re “enough” because shame has convinced them they’re unforgivable underneath it all. Until you dismantle that belief, no achievement will ever feel like arrival.
This Week’s Challenge – The 1% Honesty Shift
The 95 to 96 Experiment
- Pick one area where you know you’re about 95% committed – work, business, a relationship, a creative calling, or your relationship with yourself.
- Ask:
- “Where am I still keeping the old version of me as an option here?”
- “Where am I still performing, over-achieving, or shrinking to stay acceptable?”
- Choose one tiny action that closes that gap by 1% this week:
- Don’t sign up for the next course you don’t actually want – and sit with the discomfort.
- Post something in your voice, not the “professional” version you think people expect.
- Say no where you’d usually say yes out of obligation.
- Let that person work it out for themselves (unless they ask).
- Or journal honestly: “If I wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone this year… what would I choose?”
No drama. No grand gesture. Just one act that says:
“I’m building my life from who I am – not from who I’m trying to prove I am.”
Memorable Moments
- “Ninety-five percent commitment is not commitment. It’s self-deception dressed as responsibility.”
- “I wasn’t driven. I was compensating. I was trying to earn my right to exist.”
- “You’re building a CV. But you’re not building a self.”
- “Suffering is almost always optional – and so often we choose it in the name of being ‘good’.”
- “Let 2026 be the year you stop keeping the old life – and the old story – as an option.”
- “You don’t need more letters after your name. You need to dismantle the belief that you’re not enough without them.”
Perfect For
- High-achieving midlife women who keep adding qualifications but still feel like frauds.
- Coaches, healers, and leaders who suspect their ambition is fuelled by shame, not genuine desire.
- Anyone exhausted by proving, performing, or people-pleasing and ready to live from their true identity instead.
- Listeners who resonated with the “shame architecture” and “I am unforgivable” themes and want to go deeper.
- Women who sense they’re standing at a threshold and want 2026 to be the year they finally choose themselves fully.
The Permission You’ve Been Waiting For
You don’t have to earn your way into being enough.
You’re allowed to stop proving and start being.
You’re allowed to build a life that fits you, even if it disappoints the expectations you were never meant to live up to.
Connect, Share, Go Deeper
- Join the free 5‑day email course: Dismantling “I Am Not Enough” – a focused journey through shame, compensating strategies, and identity reclamation, leading into The Unearthed Self for those ready for deeper work.
- Share the episode with someone who’s always collecting proof but never feels like they’ve arrived.
- Leave a review on Apple Podcasts: share one sentence about where you’ve been trying to prove you’re enough – your honesty might be the mirror someone else needs.
- Tag or DM: @ChoosingHappyPodcast with your 1% action from this week’s experiment.
And remember:
Keep choosing happy –
not by proving…
but by being who you really are
🌿 Resources
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- Website: choosinghappy.space
- Instagram: @ChoosingHappyPodcast
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From my heart to yours —
Wishing you peace, love, and Prosperity.
And as always… keep choosing happy.
How You Can Connect with Heather and Support This Independent Podcast:
Please like, share with someone who may need to hear this today, and/or leave a review and support the podcast. I really appreciate it.
Want to dive deeper? Drop me an email: heather@heathervmasters.com
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© 2026 Heather V Masters | Choosing Happy Podcast All rights reserved.
Transcript
Right then.
Speaker A:Welcome to the Choosing Happy Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm Heather Masters, and today I have got a confession to start with.
Speaker A:For the last little while, I've been on a complete reading spree of girly fiction.
Speaker A:Not mindset books, not business strategy, though there's been one or two of those in there.
Speaker A:And not highbrow literature proper, unapologetic one.
Speaker A:Women's fiction.
Speaker A:And you know what?
Speaker A:That's been exactly what my system needed.
Speaker A:A change of pace, a way to relax from work, a way to wind down and somewhere my brain could soften instead of constantly improving and expanding.
Speaker A:And it started at Christmas, as it does every year as my holiday wind down.
Speaker A:But only this time, rather than stopping in the first week of January, I kind of kept on going.
Speaker A:And as I've been reading, something really struck me.
Speaker A:Underneath all the romance and the drama, there's a theme that keeps repeating.
Speaker A:Women who finally stop caring about what everyone else thinks and start caring about who they actually are and who they want to be.
Speaker A:Women and men who drop the script, ignore the criticism, walk away from lives that kept them small.
Speaker A:Whether that criticism comes from family, social media, or just those unspoken rules of how they should be and their internal voice.
Speaker A:And it hit me.
Speaker A:That's the real work so many of us are doing in our post formative years.
Speaker A:Not becoming someone new, but finally becoming who we've always been, without apology.
Speaker A:So in today's episode, I want to ask you a really important question.
Speaker A: Who would you be in: Speaker A:So stay tuned to explore this deeper in today's choosing.
Speaker A:Happy podc.
Speaker A:In my Sunday newsletter this week, I wrote about something I wish someone had named for me much earlier in my life.
Speaker A:There's a moment most people stand in quietly and often for years.
Speaker A:They want a new life.
Speaker A:They want change.
Speaker A:They want more truth, more freedom, more alignment.
Speaker A:And yet they keep one hand on the past.
Speaker A:An old identity, an old story, an old safety net.
Speaker A:Not because they don't want to change, but because they don't fully want to let go.
Speaker A:And here's the line that dropped in for me.
Speaker A:A 95% commitment is not commitment.
Speaker A:It's self deception dressed as responsibility.
Speaker A:You can't begin a new life while keeping the old one as a fallback is an option.
Speaker A:And I don't mean dramatic gestures.
Speaker A:I'm not talking about burning every bridge or quitting your job tomorrow or staging some cinematic reinvention.
Speaker A:It's something quieter and far more confronting.
Speaker A:Than that it's about the internal anchors we refuse to release.
Speaker A:The identities we keep just in case, the narratives we rehearse so we don't have to choose fully.
Speaker A:The exit plans we keep in our back pockets so we don't have to stay.
Speaker A:And that allow us to self sabotage.
Speaker A:Most people don't fail because they lack insight.
Speaker A:They fail because they Never give full 100% consent to the life they say they want.
Speaker A:They don't go all in.
Speaker A:And I've seen this so clearly now because I've lived it.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:Let me tell you how it showed up for me recently.
Speaker A:For a long time I collected qualifications like they were oxygen, NLP certifications, coaching credentials, courses, trainings, master classes, my CVs nine pages long, all the letters I could possibly put after my name.
Speaker A:Every time I completed one I'd think, now, now I feel like I know what I'm doing.
Speaker A:Now I feel like I'm enough.
Speaker A:And it worked for about two weeks.
Speaker A:Then the feeling faded.
Speaker A:The old emptiness came back.
Speaker A:The doubts came back.
Speaker A:The whisper, you still don't really know enough.
Speaker A:You still don't feel enough.
Speaker A:So I'd go after the next thing, the next course, the next shiny object, the next.
Speaker A:This will finally make me legitimate.
Speaker A:I have three coaching qualifications and I was constantly looking for the next one.
Speaker A:It's easy to do when there's so many experts selling their own brand of perfect coaching.
Speaker A:And if I'm brutally honest, I wasn't driven.
Speaker A:I. I was compensating.
Speaker A:I wasn't just ambitious, I was trying to earn my right to exist.
Speaker A:And underneath all of it was a deeper belief.
Speaker A:I'm not enough.
Speaker A:And under that, if I'm really honest, I'm unforgivable.
Speaker A:I shouldn't be here.
Speaker A:Not because anyone said those exact words, but because of lived experiences and family dynamics.
Speaker A:Mistakes I thought disqualified me and choices I have judged myself harshly for, for years.
Speaker A:So I tried to earn my way out of shame by achieving, by over functioning, by being the strong one, by having the letters after my name.
Speaker A:So nobody could question whether I'd done enough.
Speaker A:But here's the truth I had to face.
Speaker A:You cannot achieve your way into wholeness.
Speaker A:You cannot collect enough credentials to fix an identity wound.
Speaker A:And in the end, it's also too exhausting.
Speaker A:And in November, I hit that wall of doing doom.
Speaker A:All those certificates were my way of keeping the old life, the old identity as an option.
Speaker A:If I was impressive enough on paper, maybe I wouldn't have to risk being my actual self.
Speaker A:So why does this Pattern grip so hard.
Speaker A:It's because when you've carried these beliefs, when you've carried shame for a long time, that I'm not enough doesn't feel like a belief.
Speaker A:It actually begins to feel like a fact.
Speaker A:Especially if you grew up in environments where love felt conditional on performance, or you had to be the good one, or you were told directly or indirectly that your worth depended on your achievements, your appearance and your usefulness.
Speaker A:Shame at identity level.
Speaker A:Sounds like I am not enough.
Speaker A:I'm unforgivable.
Speaker A:I don't deserve to be here unless I'm proving my worth.
Speaker A:And then we build compensating strategies on top of that.
Speaker A:Achievement, addiction.
Speaker A:Just one more qualification and then, then there's perfectionism.
Speaker A:If I do it perfectly, I finally feel okay over functioning.
Speaker A:If I'm indispensable, then I matter.
Speaker A:People pleasing.
Speaker A:If everyone else is happy, I'm safe.
Speaker A:And those strategies work for a tiny little while.
Speaker A:You get the degree, you get the promotion, you get the praise.
Speaker A:And for two weeks you feel like you can breathe.
Speaker A:Then the shame whispers, yeah, but it's still you underneath all that.
Speaker A:And you're still not enough.
Speaker A:So you go back to the only thing you know.
Speaker A:Do more, achieve more, prove more.
Speaker A:And this is where that newsletter line and achievement story meet.
Speaker A:You're building a cv, but you're not building a self.
Speaker A:You're not building a future.
Speaker A:You're 95% committed to the life you say you want.
Speaker A:And 5% is still clinging to the old belief that you're not enough unless you're proving it.
Speaker A: it right into this year, into: Speaker A:If you're listening to this, there's a very good chance you're standing at a threshold.
Speaker A:Part of you is done with the old life.
Speaker A:You're done with performing, done with proving, done with shrinking to fit someone else's expectations, done with sacrificing yourself at the altar of false virtue.
Speaker A:And done with the suffering you've chosen.
Speaker A:Suffering is almost always optional.
Speaker A:And you're done with giving away your most precious gifts, your energy and time to people who, for the most part, don't care that much.
Speaker A:And part of you still has a hand on the past, on the identity that says, I'm only safe if I'm impressive.
Speaker A:On the story that says I can't risk being myself.
Speaker A:What if I'm rejected on the exit plan that says, if this doesn't work, I'll just go back.
Speaker A:So let me ask you, gently but clearly, who would you be if you Stopped keeping the old life as an option.
Speaker A:Who are you when no one's impressed?
Speaker A:Who are you when you're not performing, not mothering, not fixing, not rescuing, not collecting one more certificate or gold star, or doing one more challenge?
Speaker A:Who are you when there's no degree to chase, no LinkedIn title to hide behind, no family script to play out?
Speaker A: And what if: Speaker A:Not in a reckless way, not in a burn it all down way, but in a deep, honest way?
Speaker A:I'm no longer available for a life built around proving I'm enough.
Speaker A:I am available for a life built around being who I actually am.
Speaker A:The gift that I actually am.
Speaker A:That's the shift I want to leave you with.
Speaker A:An experiment that's gentle but powerful.
Speaker A:Think of one area of your life where you know you're at about 95% or less commitment.
Speaker A:And it might be work, it might be business, it might be your creative calling, your relationship, or simply your relationship with yourself.
Speaker A:And ask yourself, where am I still keeping the old version of me as an option here?
Speaker A:Where am I still performing?
Speaker A:Overachieving, sacrificing in the guise of serving or shrinking?
Speaker A:To say acceptable.
Speaker A:And don't judge your answer.
Speaker A:None of this is judgment.
Speaker A:Just notice, just observe.
Speaker A:Then this week, choose one small action that closes that gap, even if it's just by 1%, not 0 to 100, just 95 to 96.
Speaker A:Maybe it's not signing up for that next course that you don't actually want and just sitting with the discomfort of that.
Speaker A:Or posting something in your voice, not the professional version you think people expect.
Speaker A:Or saying no to something you normally say yes to out of obligation, even if it's that night out with your friends when you really don't want to go, letting that person work it out for themselves unless there's some reason that you really can help them and they ask.
Speaker A:Or simply writing honestly in your journal.
Speaker A:If I wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone this year, what would I choose?
Speaker A:No drama, no grand gesture, just one act that says, I'm building my life from who I am, not from who I'm trying to prove I am.
Speaker A:And if this has landed with you, if you're realising how much of your life has been built around I'm not enough unless I'm achieving, I want to offer you something simple.
Speaker A:To take this further, I'm creating a five day email course called Dismantling I am Not Enough.
Speaker A:And over the five days, we gently walk through the exact arc we've touched on today and day one I look at why I'm not enough.
Speaker A:Feels like truth, not just a thought.
Speaker A:And day two the compensating strategies, achievement, perfectionism, people pleasing and which one is exhausting you the most.
Speaker A:Day three the shame architecture underneath it all, how I am unforgivable got built.
Speaker A:And day four separating who you are from what you've survived.
Speaker A:Day five what becomes possible when you stop needing to prove your worth and an invitation into deeper work.
Speaker A:If it's your time, it's not fluff, it's not five quick tips.
Speaker A:It's a focused five day journey into the core belief that's been running your life for decades and how to start loosening its grip.
Speaker A:And if you'd like to join, I'm going to drop the URL in the description and I'll put pop the link in the show notes.
Speaker A:It's not quite there yet, so there's a sign up page for you to find out more.
Speaker A:And if at the end of those five days you know you're ready to go deeper, I'll also share how to step into the unearthed self.
Speaker A:My 12 week one on one journey for women who are done apologizing for who they are and are ready to live from their true identity.
Speaker A:For now, I want you to hear this.
Speaker A:You don't need more letters after your name.
Speaker A:You don't need more proof.
Speaker A:You don't need to achieve your way into worthiness, and you don't need to help more people.
Speaker A:You need to start dismantling the belief that you're not enough.
Speaker A:Without all of that, you already are enough.
Speaker A:You're always enough.
Speaker A:You just don't fully believe it yet.
Speaker A: Let: Speaker A:Until next time, keep choosing Happy.
Speaker A:Not by proving, but by being who you really are.
Speaker A:The gift that you are.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this week's episode.
Speaker A:If you enjoyed it or think it would be valuable to others, please do share.
Speaker A:And if you really enjoyed it, please leave me a review.
Speaker A:It really helps the podcast.
Speaker A:All of the links are in the show notes and I look forward to seeing you next week on the Choosing Happy podcast.
